I moved out of my parents’ house last year after I turned 25. Thinking about it in hindsight it was way overdue, and about time I carved my own path and made my own decisions in life.
It was a sudden move for my family, and the fact I told them a week before I was moving out was a bit of a shock. I had been thinking about moving out for a few years, but it was never serious because I was too comfortable the way things were. Which led to stagnation: I was not growing in any aspect of my life (Mentally, Physically, Professionally, Socially, or Spiritually).
I believe comfort and getting settled in the status quo is the best way to die without achieving anything worthwhile, “When Evolving you must Get comfortable with being Uncomfortable. Discomfort is a sign of growth”
Pushing Factor
For a long time, I had also been getting into misunderstandings and disagreements with my parents about staying out late and not coming home because of the type of work and career I had chosen in the events and advertising industry. We were both getting frustrated with each other, and even the love I had for my parents was fading and I started to grow resentful and take them for granted.
So this became the final straw, I had to distance myself from this environment that was being created. I decided to test out the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Which I can now say is true, I have a newfound respect, empathy, understanding, and love for my parents which I would have not had if I continued on the same path.
I had doubts when I was coming to this decision, I was really afraid of failure and wondered if I would really be able to live a good life without my parent’s help. Then I remembered a good rule of thumb, which is to confront head-on the thing you are afraid of doing. If you are afraid of heights, go bungee jumping, if you are afraid of social situations, throw a party, if you are afraid of public speaking, do a ted talk …etc. that’s when you discover new things about yourself.
Reasons to Move Out
So when I decided to move out I put a list of reasons down on paper that would give meaning to my decision other than just freedom.
- To learn to do things alone
- To learn about myself more
- To be a better person with my relationships
- To get out of stagnation
- To be a responsible person
- To learn money management skills
- To face my fears of failure
- To gain spiritual maturity
- To learn how to cook and clean for yourself
- To live a healthy lifestyle
- To live a minimalist lifestyle
- To get into a routine and habit that I love
Before I moved out like most men in Ethiopia I did not help out with any of the housework and was not able or willing to cook or clean anything, and the only time I got in the kitchen was once a year when the maid went to visit her family and I had to warm up the readymade food in the freezer. I was irresponsible with my health, relationships, and money and did not have a plan for any part of It.
I am not claiming that everything changed after I moved out and I became a chef, a healthy and responsible person right away but I have made major improvements in all aspects of my life and I am a way better person than I was a year ago.
I’m also not saying I don’t have doubts and fears, I still sometimes wonder if I should have stayed a bit longer and saved my money. But I don’t think I would have become the person that thinks about saving money unless I made the choice to move out, and I would still find ways to spend the money.
There is this story I heard from a friend about a guy lecturing his friend about why he should stop smoking. He says “forget about your health for a minute and just calculate the amount of money you spend on cigarettes per day, week, month, and year and you have been smoking for 30 years. If you had saved up that money, you would have a Ferrari by now.” Then after thinking about it for a while, the friend responded, “you don’t smoke cigarettes but where is your Ferrari”. I am not condoning smoking in any way but the point of the story is that people still find a way to spend their money.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of things to work on and I haven’t even done half of the stuff on my list but I still wish I had moved out earlier because I would have been way further in my life by now. This is a good start, and I will try to keep myself uncomfortable by doing and learning new things going forward.
In the wise words of Barney Stinson
“New is always better.”